The Remote CEO Life Podcast

S316: The Art of Balancing Feminine and Masculine Energy for Business Growth with Nils Schink

• Sophie Biggerstaff • Season 3 • Episode 16

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How do we create real balance between doing and being in business - especially when we’ve been conditioned to work in hustle culture?

In this episode, I sat down with Nils Schink, a men’s and business coach I met here in Thailand, to talk about something that’s been a hot topic in my life and with my clients: feminine and masculine energy.

We dove deep into how understanding and integrating these energies can support long-term business growth, prevent burnout, and actually make you feel more fulfilled in life and work.

Inside this episode we explore:

- The difference between feminine energy (receiving, being, presence) and masculine energy (doing, structure, action)
- Why so many entrepreneurs (especially women!) default to burnout-mode
- How to use energy awareness to guide business decisions
- My own story of experiencing 3 burnouts and what I’ve changed since
- Tools that help you create balance and still make progress
- The one thing that might be missing in your current business strategy
- Why slowing down can be the secret to faster growth

If you’re building a business and craving more balance, this one’s for you. You’ll walk away with practical steps and powerful mindset shifts to help you grow without grinding.

Connect with Nils on Instagram here: 


#BalanceInBusiness #MasculineAndFeminineEnergy #FeminineEnergy #MasculineEnergy #BusinessGrowth #EnergyManagement #Empowerment #FeminineEnergyInBusiness

About The Remote CEO Podcast:

This podcast is for freedom-seeking online entrepreneurs, offering practical, actionable advice to help you step up into your new role as CEO by building an online business that works for you - not one you work for.

Hosted by Sophie Biggerstaff, an online business mentor, e-commerce founder, mental health advocate, and full-time digital nomad. 🙋‍♀️

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Sophie (00:00)
Hello and welcome back to the remote CEO broadcast. I am excited today because I am recording with a real in person, not just online.

This is Nils and he's a men's and business coach helping men get out of their heads and gain clarity on what they want in life to step into their power and take action. So we met at a co-working event recently here in Thailand and we've been having a lot of conversations offline around what it means to find balance in life and business. So we thought we'd actually bring the conversation online because I know that it's a hot topic for so many people. So welcome. Thanks for joining me. Yeah. Thank you for having me in the real life scenario.

So tell us a more about you. What do you do?

Well, you already introduced me very well. Yeah. I work with men normally and I host retreats, workshops, circles for men to work on whatever is going on inside. So that's the men's work part. And the other part is business. I don't like to call it business coaching, but I do because that's how people understand what we're doing. But in the end, it's about finding out what do I truly want in life and what's holding me back from going there.

from asking for it, from taking it in life. And the main topic that many men struggle with is that they're stuck in their heads, that they're thinking a lot, they have huge ideas, big visions, and they feel I have so much to give, I have so much potential, but they're not taking action because they want to get it right, they want to do it perfect. That's where I support them in

to know what is it that I want, how do I get there, and how can I start taking action? Yeah, it's interesting because I guess for lot of women, they're also in their heads and thinking like, how do I take action to get what I want? I know that's for me anyway, like I'm very much in my head person and I think it falls naturally more onto like the masculine energy side of things, like what action can I take to get what I want? So it's interesting to hear that there is so much similarity

between actually how we both think. I'm just already, I see a direction for where this conversation might be going. take it in that direction. Because balance has to do a lot with like...

balance inside of us, our masculine feminine energy as well, and we know things like yin and yang, taking action, but also being receptive and going with what comes to us, the things that our life is asking from us.

Of course, both men and women have both in them and we both need to find balance in ourselves. So it's not a man only problem. It's just that sometimes we approach things a little bit different. And the reason why I focus on men with my work is that many men, for example, they struggle more, not always, but many struggle more with actually talking about it.

when they're stuck because they need to be at their very limit to actually ask for help. That's like things like the suicides rate that are so high for men. It's because they just never actually go out of their way to ask somebody like, okay, I'm not feeling good. Can you help me? So it needs a bit of a different approach. And that's why I said, okay, let me focus specifically on men so that I can approach them and speak to them in a way that they feel, ah, actually it's

Normal

that I feel overwhelmed and I'm stuck in my head and I have so much conditioning so much noise in this world It's not that shameful anymore for them to reach out Yeah, do you think the men that it it needs to get to the point of their breaking point like where they physically can't go on any longer because they've worked themselves up so much about whatever topic is that they're stressed about or they're not taking action on does it need to get that breaking point before they come and

someone like yourself or a therapist or another coach to get help. It doesn't need to but depending on the math. Generally does. For me it was like that.

mean, it's a whole story, but in the end, I also couldn't ask for help. So I just kept going and I always thought it's just the solution is to work harder, to push harder, to figure this out. yeah, if I had the courage more early to just talk to somebody and work on myself, I would have saved myself and the people around me from a lot of pain, a lot of suffering that was unnecessary.

I hope that there is more men out there that just have this idea that, hey, if it's not good, that's not a problem, but I need to talk to somebody, I need to change something about it. Yeah, it makes sense. I think in general, when it comes to changing something about your life, in my experiences and what I've seen of other people, in the work that I've done with mental health as well, I think in general, it takes most people to get to some kind of breaking point before they start making actual changes.

some level of self-awareness that something needs to change prior to that breaking point happening but often people don't know where to go for help they don't understand that they can change things they think that this is or they've been conditioned to believe this is just the way that it is and you have to sit there and continue living in that way. That's actually a big problem that we are so used to like we are used to be leading unfulfilling lives where we are in a constant struggle, constant stress and anxiety.

And it seems like that's normal, but obviously it's not and it's not how we're designed to live but Since everybody's doing it you feel like yeah, what can I do? just have to I have to push through this is just life. It just sucks It sucks sometimes Definitely not every day from nine to five from then afterwards. It's not normal for it to suck like you can make changes for

it to get better even if it's like a 2 % better every day or every week or every year you can make you can change your circumstances I think what I'm trying to say is a lot of people don't realize that they can change their circumstances they think that that's the cards they've been dealt and that's what they have to get on with but actually you can change anything it's all a lot of it is like a mindset shift an approach yeah and saying mindset it's I don't think it's so much about the circuit like you can change your circumstances but it's not really the point the point is changing your

in a way so that when I can be in the same job and hate it every single day, but if on one day I realize, okay, don't have, a lot of things change the moment I realize I don't have to do anything of what I'm doing in my life that's being in this victim state of like, okay, I have no choice, but you do have a choice and once you realize that you can still do the same things, but feeling like I choose to go to work today. I could just quit the job.

choose

to do it, it already gives you different perspective, a different feeling of things that you're Yeah, definitely. It's a matter of perspective. A lot of things are a matter of perspective. It's just about how you, how aware you are of how you can perceive something, I guess.

or like the changes that you can perceive. Going back to that masculine energy and feminine energy, yin and yang, can you talk us through a little bit more about what you mean by that? Sure, Yeah, I think yin and yang is nice for me to use sometimes because it's less charged. Like we have a lot of discussion about masculinity, femininity, men, women, all of these different things. So yin and yang is a nice way to that people have heard it. Everybody knows the black and the white.

I think

Yeah, there's many different concepts around it, but if I just describe it the way that I experience it in my own life, it's a concept that helps me understand like a law of nature.

my concept might be different from yours but in general I would say the yang energy is about taking action in the world it's about doing something about it it's the part of me that when there's a problem that wants to say okay how do we solve it and that's why we often say it's a masculine approach simply because that's also what we're used to like describing the way that man act is like it's a classic that women say

My man never listens. He always just wants to give me solutions. Such an idiot. All I want to do is just somebody that understands me and listens to me. It's such a classic saying and it's not really just because he's a man. It's just the masculine or the yang approach. It's like there's a problem. Let's fix it. Let's do something about it. While the yin energy is accepting and it's receiving what is there. So if there's a problem, I say, okay.

It's all right that this problem is here right now. I accept it and some things There's this beautiful saying I don't know how it goes in English, but you probably have heard it. No, you're like basically God give me the wisdom to change what I can change to accept what I cannot change

And again, wisdom, because it's, I don't know how the saying goes, differentiate between the two. And I think that's such an interesting thing and so hard most of the time to know when is the moment for me to just stand up and take action and I just, need to do something about this. And what is my actual challenge right now to just for a moment be with the situation, to accept it as it is. And this yin energy is not very supported in our society.

No, it's not. And I think not even for women really, because let's just say for example, you're a mother, you kind of always switched on, you're kind of having to be even though naturally that would fit into what I would like to think is more yin energy, because it's like nurturing and you're looking after something, you're caring for something else. But actually, there's a lot of masculine energy needed involvement when looking after something else. Because that yin

yin energy is about taking action, right? And you're constantly having to take action and look after not just yourself, but another human being. So I feel like we're constantly the yin yang symbol.

is big at the bottom, big at the top, small at the bottom. And on the other side, it's big at the bottom and small at the top. So it's constantly like, you're never really equal on either side. You're constantly having to juggle both sides. So I feel like everybody probably struggles, men and women, to find an actual balance between taking the action and then allowing a situation to just be and be in that energy. For me, it looks slightly different. I'd say like, I've always considered it.

I

was like, the yang energy is like the go-getter, like the one that's like hustling, the more like hard, I'm from London, so like it's like that London speed that you're currently going at. And then the yang is when you're slowing down and you're trying to, sorry, the yin, yeah, is when you're slowing down and just trying to come back to a neutral or a more chilled pace. So it's interesting to see.

the different perceptions of it. Yeah, I don't know if I could say that Yang is fast and Yin is slow. It's quite interesting actually to think about it, like to explore it, like what does these things that we all know, what do they actually mean? Because when I...

I studied the tantric traditions, they also explained about the feminine and the masculine energy as like the masculine is more creating space, it's like presence, there's a stillness and in terms of...

the universe, it's like the space and then the yin energy or they call it the shakti is like the energy that's moving inside. It's the colors, the vividness and that's the feminine energy and it has a lot of movement, a lot of power. The same way the emotions change so quickly for example.

It's like this feminine energy is what makes you feel like, I want to do this. And half an hour later, your answer might be, but actually now I don't feel like it anymore. And then the person that's morning is young energy. You'll be like, what's going on? Half an hour you said this, why do you change? Like I'm, woke up this morning and I'm still the same, but this feminine energy is moving. It's changing. And it's very important that the other part can hold space for that and make space.

so that this energy can flow freely. Yeah it makes sense I think yeah everyone's probably got a different interpretation of what it means for them and even that in itself is a bit difficult because like I would say like being a business owner and also being single I thought you have to be in your yang energy a lot it's like a lot of yang for me feels like

I have to really try harder to achieve or try harder to...

I don't know, look after myself for example. feel like that yang energy is constantly for me. I don't know, I've got to go and take the bin out, I've got to go and fill up my water. But then I've also got to run my business and be on all the time or I've got to go and lead this group call or whatever. That's the easiest way to say it is one is doing the other is being. Okay, perfect. And then the yang would be like, oh, I'm going to go and do my meditation because I know that's going to come. Sorry,

Exactly because that's the one that I think my brain naturally goes to because I feel like I've had to do a lot in my life. I've had to do a lot. I've never really had the opportunity to just be and I've had to make time for the being and the energy. But yeah, you're right. It's I think particularly for business owners finding that

Is there such thing as balance between the two? Right, that's what the podcast is about. That's question. It's for business owners. I forgot. For business owners specifically, is it even possible to find balance?

Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Yeah. And I think it's essential and it's crucial. And one of the mistakes that often happens is that we think doing more will lead to more. Yeah. And it's just not true. And it's so hard to get this into your... I struggle with it. It's not easy. I always think I just need to push harder. I need to do more. If I work 10 hours, I get more done than if I work six hours. It's not true. Maybe I'll take a break on the beach and I'll find a new client because I don't know, we're playing volleyball.

Maybe I will go to restaurant and have a conversation with somebody and they run a corporate business that I can do workshops in their company and bam I made money and I didn't work I was in the restaurant and it's not just happy coincidences lucky coincidences like this it's just in general changing your energy to be able to receive because the energy is what can receive if you're always thinking doing there's no space

in your life for anything to come in and

most of the time if we're honest we would love for us to just be able to invite things for something to come to us but how if i'm always so full of myself and my own thoughts and the doing there's no space it's true so as a business owner how do you create that space how do you let that in i think the hardest thing is allowing yourself this yeah giving yourself permission yeah giving yourself permission to do less and

I think one of the guys that recently I saw on YouTube that really... Chris Williamson? Do you know him? He's also a lot about business and business owners and he said a lot of really good stuff about it that I very much resonate with.

that yeah, it comes from a place of allowing yourself to really treat yourself well and to know that you are your business to some degree. So your energy is what fuels the business, inspiration is what fuels your business. And if you are running on empty the whole time, it's not going to do any good. So the first thing is understanding that you deserve it to give yourself permission, but also that it's actually effective. And it's very hard to trust this. We constantly

Maybe I should do more and that will be more effective. So it's really hard to change your mind around this. What did you grow up believing about the work culture in Germany? Is it fast paced? Because obviously you've come to a point where you're able to embody this yin yang energy that we're talking about.

in your lifestyle right now, but was that like that in the past? Because I know for me it wasn't. I grew up very much in Yang energy, which is why I struggle now to embrace and embody the Yang. Yeah, makes sense. We learn from our environment. I mean, in Germany, it's the same. I also learned that the harder you work, the bigger the rewards. And also that there's something in it, even like the more you suffer, the more the better.

It just shows that you've worked hard and it's just it's not sustainable and it's not effective and for some reason we're still holding on to this old belief that...

And because it's really not about being lazy and not doing things, it's about finding the right balance and see where are you most, how can you be most effective? And it's definitely not because you're working six extra hours in the night and then you're completely destroyed in the morning and you're not able to think straight. It's not helpful. It's really not. I mean, I've gone through at least three burnouts in my life, like severe burnouts to the point where I had to take a month more

than

a month off my business, more than a month of work because I was so run down and like my brain had just basically deteriorated so much I lost my memory. Like I just wasn't functioning as a human being anymore because I tried to push through and I thought oh well if I if I just work that extra two hours up until I stay up until 3am and just get it done then not tomorrow but then tomorrow never happens. That's the lie. It's a lie I'm telling myself a lie it's like oh but tomorrow

I'll take it easy. Do you take it easy? It's absolutely not. You do the same thing and then you get into this very vicious cycle and I think a lot of new entrepreneurs make this mistake because particularly if you've come from, I came from a corporate background, right? So I was trained to work hard. I was trained that we needed to work overtime and not get paid for it. I was trained that like to get what you want, you have to work for your lunch break and like to get the promotion, for example, it was

almost like the harder you worked, the more you were rewarded, which is really messed up now I look back at it.

I was conditioned to that. So when I then transitioned into entrepreneurship, I had no idea, I no skills of how to navigate my new career path because I just had associated hard work with success. So I naturally started working 12 hour days. It was also lockdown, so what else was I doing? But I just didn't give myself any space to just be or even reflect on the things that I was working on.

like sense check is this even the right direction that I'm taking it in because you're so lazy focused on just getting the work done that

anything else, it's almost like you've only got tunnel vision on this one thing. And then taking that moment to actually to stop and be like, oh, hold on a minute, like, I'm not feeling okay. This isn't working for me right now. It's, it's very dangerous, I think, to go too far in that direction. And for me, I struggled through burnouts, two of them on the same year, because I didn't learn my lesson the first time round, I kept pushing, kept pushing.

because that's what I was conditioned to believe was what was gonna get me to where I want to go so I guess like for somebody that like is new to me. I never heard of somebody have three burnouts. Yeah, no I. Very resistant, I... Resilient is my, is probably the word like I'm very... But this is this is how badly I was conditioned right because I believed that... Even in the suffering. Even in the suffering.

I believed that that was normal. I believed that that was okay. Like that I had to be that what burned down to then rebuild. Like that's been my programming. So yeah, it was.

But then eventually when I, it's also environment based, I think, because that was when I was living in the UK. The UK is not my environment, not the right environment for me. know that now. And I choose to live elsewhere consciously because I know that in environments like where we are right now, we're in Thailand, like I'm able to find balance. If you think about the climate in the UK, right? It rains 300 days of the year, more or less. Like there's nothing really to do.

big drinking culture. The only thing that I would do would be like go home from work, go drinking and go to the pub or whatever. There's no real wellness focused culture and it wasn't until that I then removed myself from that culture and then put myself in environments where it was way more calm, wellness focused and you had nature around you for example. There were other things to do and the elements were working with you but you can actually go outside and go into nature.

that I realized it doesn't have to just be about work because the culture in the UK is very much like...

live to work, not work to live. And now I try and go the opposite direction. My life comes first, my business comes second. Because if I'm not okay with what said earlier, then my business isn't going to run properly either. But yeah, I would say I'm quite a resilient person going back to what you say around like three burnouts. Which is beautiful and at the same time it can be a real curse. Yes, I agree. you're taking too much shit when actually it's not the right direction. No. So I think

For many people, there's something around this like being proud of yourself for taking for suffering and suffering and suffering. for like that's a crazy sense of pride and strength. Like, wow, I'm suffering so much. Look at me. And I did that for years. Is that how you want to live your life? No. Proving to others that your self-worth is based on how much you suffer. That's the connection that you feel. Yeah. The more I suffer, the more I'm worth because

a good worker, it's like it's not serving you as a person. No definitely not and I learned that the hard way like the last burnout that I had I it was in Bali actually because what I did was come straight out of London, moved to Bali, tried to carry on working as I was in London on an island that doesn't work so I suffered a burnout within the first two months of being in Bali and then I ended up taking like four or five months off.

business because I just couldn't, nothing was functioning, I wasn't functioning. So I couldn't continue. So I had to learn that the hard way and get to the point, going back to what we were saying at the beginning, the rock bottom point to start making the changes. And then I started learning my lesson and I'm interested to hear what that looked like because we've talked like, okay, we all know, okay, now we know it's, shit to feel shit and it's shit to overwork yourself. Okay. How can you change that?

What helped you in this art of yours? Going into the Ian Energy and actually just sitting with the feeling that I had and not trying to take action to make it better. Like literally just sit, absorb, reflect on the situation and be like, did I learn from that that I can then take forward into this new way of being? And also creating myself, first of putting myself in the right environment surrounding

myself of the right people because I also wasn't really surrounded by the right people at the time I think that were supporting that.

that shift and then creating routines and practices in my day that made me stop, that made me not take action. So for example, in the morning without fail, I won't look at my phone and for the first hour and a half of my day, because I'll be doing my meditation, I'll be doing my journaling, be doing, I pull tarot cards every day, for example. So I have that practice and because I'm realized that it was

making me feel better, I now don't venture away from that. It's like, okay, that's my thing that is going to help me stay grounded. So it was about finding the practices that worked for me, that were good enough, that made me say, right, you have to stop at this moment in time to allow yourself to...

to integrate basically all the things that you know you need. So it's slowing down your life in general also, way now. Yeah, slowing myself down. I think what you said about the people you surround yourself with is also very important. For sure. Because it's just such a huge influence, the people that are closest to you. If all you talk about with them is like work, then of course you're constantly in this and everybody's just talking about how much they're doing.

But is there space to just watch the trees and be like, wow, that tree wasn't there last week when we went for a walk here, or just sit and watch the dog play. These little moments are so important to find peace.

Not being here. That's again like what I said in the very beginning our whole society is so much here all the time We don't even remember that we have all the rest of this body to feel and to to be present with that and to experience that because that's also one important thing that I I feel for many of my clients that changes a lot when they realize Why am I doing this? Why am I working so hard? What am I trying to get?

because they're always in the future trying to get somewhere and same thing for me that's how I went on this journey because I was always just trying to go somewhere and to realize that what is it that's behind this is I just want to feel well it might be different for other people but I just wanted to feel safe I wanted to feel secure and at peace and at ease so I worked hard to finally get to the place where I could relax it was so

work first, pleasure

Because I need to feel okay right here right now in this moment. I need to take a break right now. And it doesn't have to be much. It's not that you just have to stop working. But maybe take three minutes to just breathe or go for a walk. But even just that can change so much and take out the pace of my mind just going like a

And it doesn't make you less productive either, it actually makes you more productive. If you take those breaks in the day, like for me for example, I've just mentioned the morning routine that I have. If I do that, I set myself up to have a decent day. If I don't do that, I really notice the difference in my mood, my productivity, my focus levels later on down the line in that day because I haven't taken the chance to ground myself and put my nervous system at neutral.

actually taking those moments and having that rest and being more mindful of how I'm spending my time is making me more productive in the long run because then maybe I'll have like a deep work session for five hours and I'll just get so much stuff done. Instead of me working eight, nine hours where three of those hours I might be distracted looking out the window or I might call my friend or text someone or read the news online. I imagine, I don't know if you've ever worked in a corporate job, but like in my corporate

for job, I didn't spend eight hours working. I was being paid for eight hours, but I definitely didn't spend eight hours working. I definitely spent half of the time at my friend's desk, like having a chat or going out for lunch or whatever. So it's kind of like, it actually allows you, if you take those moments, it usually allows you to be way more productive in the times that you are trying to stay focused, right? It's funny how much you can achieve in like a week if you just...

If you just did the few things that are really essential every day, it's very easy to do with two hours of work more than many people do with eight hours. Because most of it's like, now let me compare this AI tool with this as I spend how many hours.

most of the issues can actually be solved, I really found that for myself, most of my problems will just dissolve if I can sit on my ass for two hours and just look against the wall and not do anything else. Because suddenly all of this...

Many of the problems are just in my mind. And once I become calm and clear in my mind, they dissolve. Or I will find a solution and then I can just play, take a clear and aligned action on it. I make the one phone call that's really necessary. I'll send one email. I'll do the one post and I know what to say because I've been sitting and I feel what is really important in this moment. Or I can spend eight hours chatting with Chet GBT is like, how can we say this? What's the

messaging for my marketing and then watch the YouTube video. Why sit with myself, find clarity and then just take those few actions that are really necessary. And it's really hard to do because we are so conditioned to just frantically run into all directions instead of just collecting ourselves from home and see, okay, what's, what is the direction that I need? And then just walk in this direction. But also I feel like what you're saying there is, is that you're

listening to what you need, you're really tuning in to how you're feeling, whereas again we've been kind of socially conditioned to seek reassurance and validation from external sources. So how did you learn to just trust yourself and trust to listen to what you need? That's a big question.

How did I learn to trust myself? And fill into that moment of what you needed. Of what I need. Okay, there I'm very connected because the way to trust yourself is that you're taking care of your needs. And it's the most fundamental thing for everything that we are looking for, that we think we will get with the promotion, the money, and then I will be confident. The things that I really want to be happy, to feel fulfilled, to feel secure.

to be confident, it all comes from a good relationship with myself, from being able to trust myself. And what does it take to trust myself? The same thing that it takes to trust other people.

I need to feel that this person has my interest as their interests, that they really care about me. So inside of me, inside of each one of us, there's the part of us that is still a child. And this part has a lot of irrational fears about the future, about what might go wrong, what these people might say if I do this kind of post or if I send out this message or I make the sales call. And if I don't work with that part, then I'm constantly

fighting against myself and get this fear and I'm just telling myself just be more courageous just do it well just do it is actually very bad advice for many people in many situations because there's a good reason why you're not doing it

There's like a little child afraid to jump off the cliff and you're just constantly streaming at yourself like, why are you like this? Why do you not dare to do it? Why are you so afraid? This will not help this child to move. needs a good parent to sit down beside and say like, I understand, I respect your fear. You don't have to jump, but if you want, we can do it together. And suddenly it becomes so much easier.

easier

to do all these things. And I really found that the core of trusting myself is listening also to myself, to taking good care of this part of me. And it's not easy because it's not cool. It's not cool to have the neediness and the irrational fears of a child. It's not cool, but it's real.

And I can pretend all the time that I don't have it. I'm a man, I'm not afraid. I don't, I'm not afraid to go on stage. I'm not afraid to speak on the podcast. I'm not afraid to put my videos out there and then fight through it.

Constantly be in denial with myself or I can just say yeah, I have fear Let me be with that fear. Let me look at that fear and then let me do it with this part that is afraid together anyway Because I can be there for myself. I can reassure myself I will be there even if they will be laughing Even if this woman will leave me even if this person thinks I'm a bad person because I spoke my honest opinion I will be there

I will be there for myself and if I can have this, what should I be afraid of? At the end of the day, are in control of ourselves. We have to look after the little person inside of us. The little person in a child.

parent ourselves constantly and look after ourselves. don't know everything and we're never going to know everything about life, but we can choose to make conscious decisions that are going to help us be the best version of ourselves in that moment in time. if we can try and find some kind of peace in our thoughts and connect into our body, I feel like that's...

of going to help us get that balance. I mean you also ask how can I be more in contact with my needs. Feeling is such a good thing to do that in our society also is not really again what is I come from the man's work for many men at least it's very admirable.

to be cold, to not have feelings, to not be afraid, to not feel too much.

It's changing and there's also something about being lost in your emotions. The point of it is not to sit there and try all day or say like, I can't go to work because I'm sad today. Like, okay, you had a breakup, but you still have responsibilities. Go and do your work. Yes. But maybe you can take some time to care for yourself. And that's really all that it takes. means to be with that. It's like being there for somebody. But in this case, it's

yourself that you're being there for. And being there means being present. When you're reading you're not with yourself. When you're watching television you're not with yourself. When you're eating, so all of these things that we do when we're alone, they're not really being there.

And it's scary because being there with myself means that I am also with all of the emotions inside and there's nothing that we're as afraid of as our feelings I'm not afraid of losing my house or my wife like that's just a circumstance. It's like that's words I'm single. I'm in a really it's the situation It's just a situation what I'm afraid of is the feeling I'm not afraid of losing my wife. I'm afraid of the loneliness that I would

I'm afraid of the overwhelming sadness that will come at me. I'm not afraid of losing my job I'm afraid of how I will feel like a loser like a failure how lost I will feel without it So really everything in the end comes down to that. We are afraid of our own feelings So one of the biggest powers that I can have is to practice being with myself and these feelings to just be present with that Yeah, I guess again with a lot of people will

try and those feelings and pretend they don't exist to try and... I mean I do it sometimes, it's normal right? It's not that we shouldn't, we can't be perfect but at least try to make space for it.

Yeah, I think you're right. You hit the nail on the head like we're scared of our feelings. We're scared of the... because the circumstances are forever changing. If there's one thing in life that's constant, it's change. Like everything's always going to change and evolve. But our feelings, we know the feeling of fear. We know the feeling of loneliness. Like if you've experienced it previously, you know that that could then come back because the circumstances changing.

for sure, like I think that that is what most people are scared of and that's what makes them go one way or another going back to the balance conversation.

take over over action or like too much action because they don't want to end up feeling like so for example if you're running a business maybe you've experienced in the past like having no money for example but that has a feeling associated with maybe scarcity lack lack mindset kind of thing you don't want to go back to that point of like feeling fear around not being able to provide for yourself for example so you're over

You're trying overachieve in whatever it is that you're doing. Maybe you're a business. Maybe it's in your career or whatever You'll try and overdo so you go really into that young energy To compensate and never be able to try and fill that feeling or that fear that you've had experience in again in which case it's very hard for them to you to say or let me take a break or let me sit with my emotions because You never want to experience that. Yeah fear again. It's so scary. It's so traumatizing. It's so scary

It's almost like you just never want to go back to that experience. Like for me, for example, I have a good example of that. I had a really bad depression about seven years ago where I was in like a black hole basically. I'm terrified of ever going back into that scenario again, for example. So my mental health now is my like number one priority in my life because I'm like, okay, I'm not okay. The fear of me coming back into that hole again is terrifying.

for me. I never want to go back to that. So everything I do now in my life and my business and in my relationships, whatever, it has to be that my mental health is my priority because I never want go back to that. So fear is such a strong emotion that I think it can take us on one way or another in terms of completely ignoring the yin and not wanting to sit there and feel or going and taking too much action.

hard to then try and find the balance I think when fear is so present. yeah I don't know it there's I think I don't know how to describe what I'm trying to say but it's like

Fear can override us basically in cause but in balance is what I'm trying say. In everything that we're doing, that yin yang, fear is probably what is causing us to go off balance. Would you agree from that?

wondering if it's only fear about the other emotions but I think most of them they come down to fear in the end anyway. yeah, if I'm working all the time I'm afraid something will happen so I need to do this. The thing is we think often that we are consciously creating our lives that we are consciously making choices.

Actually the very big biggest part of our lives is all controlled by the subconscious and

And there is just all of these different parts of my personality that might be afraid. There's all these feelings that I'm not feeling. So much going on. It's like the, yeah, we have the little tip of the iceberg and then there's everything else. And this everything else is what's actually shaping my life. And that's why I always think it's so important to look at it. And it's very hard to do by yourself. That's why people go to therapy. That's why we do coaching or we go to retreats where we have somebody help

us to look at our own blind spots because I don't see it.

I can't look where what is not conscious I need some help to direct consciousness to this part of myself. And yeah, I think what you said makes a lot of sense that it's fear that is motivating us to act in this way. There's a part of me that things working will help me avoid the bad outcome that I'm afraid of. And sometimes it can be also positive motivation towards something that I want.

I think I work hard, I'll get the promotion or like many men that I know did.

they go into this success is something that will make me a high status person, then women will love me and I'm just deep down, I'm just looking for somebody to love me. So they think the more money I make, the more success I have, the more I will be loved. And that's the real reason it's like, it can also be a motivation towards something, something that I want. Yes.

But I also feel like in those circumstances, there's still at the root of that, it's like, there's still a fear. It's like, oh, I might be alone forever if I don't do all of those things and find the person that's gonna love me, for example. So it does, I feel like a lot of it comes down to fear.

There might be some circumstances that don't, but... I mean, in the end that's why we make all our decisions in life, We want to avoid things that are painful and we want to have the goodies, the good things that feel good. Yeah. That's all, right? We want to feel good and we don't want to feel bad. Yeah, And that's how every motivation for anything that I do is based on this. Yeah. Makes a lot of sense.

So going back to business. Business owners are people too. It doesn't look like it but they are. No but at end of the day going back to what we said earlier. If you're not okay you're running your own business right? If you're not okay and you want the face of the business you are the reason the business can function every single day.

the business doesn't operate well if you're not operating well. So actually everything that we're talking about all integrates business and life. But going back to business, how do we try and override the fear to create more harmony, create more balance in life? Because obviously there's going to be moments where we are scared or like there's things that are going wrong and we don't, we have to feel like we're going to have to take that.

action being the Yang energy. How are we going to come back to find that balance and create a neutral environment, I guess, to be able to make decisions from a neutral place? I think it always comes down to the fears there will be some future moment where I will not be able to be okay. So it always comes down to can I be

okay right now if i can do it right now with these circumstances i'll be able to do it in five minutes i'll be able to do it tomorrow because really we can bear almost any situation like if i'm sitting there tomorrow and i have five thousand euros less in my bank account i'm still sitting there the same way and the question can i feel okay right now it's just

breathing. I'm here right now in my body. Am I?

The only way not to be okay is if I go over the end of my head and I'm going through all the scenarios and all the problems and it's really all made up situations of the future or things from the past. But if I can just be here right now and realize that in this present moment I'm actually okay, then I have like a sanctuary that I can always return to.

me that's why meditation is a powerful tool because it's basically practicing to be here right now. And meditation is one thing that you can say mindfulness just you can do it when you're working, you can do it when you're cooking. To just be present in this very moment and to realize, wow, this moment is not so bad. All the bad stuff is somewhere in this imaginary future that I'm making up for myself.

So yeah, would say the poor thing is being able to be present and see that right now everything is okay. Yeah, you're exactly why you need to be in the South Eastks that you need to be in. I agree.

In terms of practicals, I feel like people need practical steps, right, sometimes. And you just mentioned one practical tool, which is meditation and practicing mindfulness. When you're working with a client that is struggling with a certain life scenario that maybe they are slightly out of balance, what practical steps do you recommend, particularly if they're running a business, to help them to create a little bit more balance in their life?

Because meditation, I love meditation personally, but it's not always for everybody. So I can understand that there may be other tools that some people work better. There's countless tools. Any person has, like you can just ask yourself, what is something that makes me feel present? Yeah. It can be sports. It can be riding your bike. Maybe you like making music and playing the guitar. Whatever it is that brings you to the present moment and takes you off of...

Trying to get somewhere trying to be somewhere Any activity that you enjoy doing where you can be present but it means not listening to another podcast while you're in the gym It not listening to music while you're running to actually be present Yeah, and Another thing this

just being, also to make space for these emotions because all the stress comes from avoiding something and I can try to distract myself all day or I have the courage to sit down and say right now I'm going to be with whatever is alive in me right now.

If I can do that, that makes me a bulletproof, because then I can do it again and again. Whatever happens, I can sit and deal with this. So for me, it's really the practice of taking some time, even if it's just a few minutes and saying, right now I'm just here, I'm just present with whatever is alive in my body right now. Yeah. Everything going back to that moment that you're in.

But you also meant like in general, how can I create a better balance with my work, for example.

I mean, there's a bunch of things of course that we can do to find it's also about setting boundaries. Yeah. Like pro athletes, they plan their resting phases. So as a business owner, you should plan time where you're just enjoying, maybe you like a play date with yourself. Do something that's just because you enjoy it. It's not to reach something. It's not to get somewhere. It's just because you love doing it. Set boundaries for the working time. When I started my own business,

I woke up in the morning. My first thought was business. went to sleep at 10 in the evening. Business from morning to evening. Make some spaces where it's like this is non-business zone. And at this time I stopped working and then really look after that. Yeah, you have to be strict with yourself, I think. It's about setting boundaries among people, but also setting boundaries with yourself. Like I had no boundaries. That's why I ended up burning out so much.

the first couple of years into my business because I had no idea how to set boundaries. I was always trying to accommodate other people's needs, not my own. And it's only in the past like three years I've really learned, okay, this is how to set boundaries, not just with other people, but also with myself because I didn't have that discipline. I think because I've been conditioned in my career to, I wasn't allowed to please myself. had to please what other people wanted me to do. That I was so conditioned to accommodate other people.

I didn't know how to accommodate myself. As long as you put yourself as your priority, and like I like to say that, play dates with yourself, do something that you enjoy, and make time for yourself, and make space for yourself. Don't sacrifice your lunch break. Don't sacrifice your lunch break, exactly. Take the time and space that you need throughout the day. It's easier to do that if you are running your own business, obviously if you are in a job.

you're slightly more restricted, but take your lunch break, use that time, don't feel guilty. I think a lot of people would feel guilty sometimes, well I would, I to feel guilty about taking my lunch break. was like, but I have so much to do, I should be working through my lunch break. Well no, because you're not, gonna come back and feel so much more refreshed if you actually take that time for yourself. So I think staying present and really prioritizing you in every moment is super important.

I like that you used the word discipline because it's so funny that when you think discipline it's like putting in the work, doing the work, but it also takes a lot of discipline not to work because work is our favorite distraction. It's something that, and to understand that it's also discipline to make time to not work and to look at what else is there in my life and why am I running away from that. And yeah, it takes discipline not to work sometimes even now.

for sure, I had to learn that the hard way. But yeah, definitely, you need discipline. Amazing. Any other thoughts on balance or creating balance in business? What do we feel like we've covered quite a lot of it? Balancing on the scooter, you Yeah, balancing on the scooter. We could take it down that direction if you want. I don't know if that's relevant for business or anything. Or anyone that's not on an island.

Yeah, I'm just thinking if I could summarize whenever I record something for anybody in videos, podcasts or something, I ask myself, if I could share one thing with that person, if I imagine that person sitting with me in the room right now, what do I want them to know?

I think in this case it would just be that you matter, your happiness matters and it's not worth compromising the health.

The one thing that can take away all of the stress, the suffering, the fear of the future, all of this pain is learning to be present. And if you don't know how to do it, that's okay. Let's start somewhere.

That's the one thing that I think would be important to share. I like it.

Thank you. I think it's super important. agree. I echo everything that you have just said. And thank you. That was a really great conversation. Hopefully you can take something away from this and learn how to create more balance in your life if you feel like things are out of balance, especially in business. It's really important. If you are a founder and you are having to show up every single day, looking after yourself is even more important, I think, than ever. So yeah, I really appreciate you joining me. Anyone else to connect with you? How can they?

find you.

sure it's somewhere in the description and otherwise I have a business WhatsApp account where if somebody has questions I'm there for any person if it's a simple question if you some of this resonated with you and you feel okay actually I want to learn about this but it's hard to make a start I don't know where to get going or maybe you need a recommendation for some good literature I'm there for you you can just send me message

Amazing. Thank you so much. Neha, thank you for this beautiful conversation. You're welcome. I enjoyed it. Thank you. wow, it's 50