The Remote CEO Life Podcast

S311: How To Build Authentic Business Relationships That Last with Melek Mourad

• Sophie Biggerstaff • Season 3 • Episode 11

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In this episode of the Remote CEO Podcast, I’m joined by Melek Mourad, the founder of Harmony Lab, to explore the importance of authenticity in building meaningful business relationships.

We discuss the challenges of maintaining authenticity while adapting to new environments, the emotional aspects of nomadic entrepreneurship, and the significance of community and relationships in fostering a sense of belonging.

Melek shares her journey as a digital nomad and emphasizes the need for self-awareness and the process of peeling back layers to reveal one's true self. We also address the importance of managing burnout and loneliness in a nomadic lifestyle.

Whether you're navigating the nomadic lifestyle or seeking to build authentic connections in your business, this episode offers valuable insights into personal branding, business development, emotional intelligence, and effective communication.

Connect with Malek here:

Website

Instagram @typicalmelek

#PersonalBranding #BusinessDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #ProfessionalConnections #AuthenticRelationships #NetworkingTips #NetworkingStrategies #LeadershipSkills #BusinessRelationships #CommunicationSkills #SocialSkills #Entrepreneurship #BusinessNetworking #BuildingTrustInBusiness #RelationshipManagement #TeamBuilding #HowToBuildConnections #EffectiveCommunication #RelationshipBuilding #NomadicLifestyle #NomadLife #Retreats

About The Remote CEO Podcast:

This podcast is for freedom-seeking online entrepreneurs, offering practical, actionable advice to help you step up into your new role as CEO by building an online business that works for you - not one you work for.

Hosted by Sophie Biggerstaff, an online business mentor, e-commerce founder, mental health advocate, and full-time digital nomad. 🙋‍♀️

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Sophie (00:00)
Hello and welcome back to the Remote CEO podcast. Today I have another guest with me who is Melek, founder of the Harmony Lab, space dedicated to meaningful human connection. She's a digital nomad who runs her business whilst traveling the world, guiding leaders and teams through authentic relating, deep listening, and emotional intelligence. Melek's built a life and business around connection, despite not having a fixed home base.

In this episode, we're diving into what it really means to stay authentic whilst constantly adapting. How to build real relationships without a set community or routine and the emotional side of nomadic entrepreneurship, including loneliness, burnout and finding balance. So welcome, I'm really excited to talk about this because obviously I'm nomadic.

Being authentic and trying to find authentic connections is also a massive part of my life. So welcome. Really excited to have you here. Thanks so much for joining me. Tell me a little bit more about you. Like how did you become nomadic and how did you start running Harmony Lab?

Melek (00:56)
Hi, I'm Melik. Thanks so much for having me on here. I'm so excited to talk about Harmony Lab and the Nomad Life. So a little about me. I am originally Turkish and I was born in Bulgaria and grew up in America in Chicago. And I studied psychology and I worked in research in both psychology and organizational behavior. And then I moved into corporate where I worked in the people department at Facebook for a few years.

So once COVID hit and my job became remote, I decided I didn't want to stay in freezing cold Chicago anymore. And that's when I started traveling. And I just got rid of everything I own, 99 % of what I owned, and just started traveling the world. And then eventually also left my job at Facebook. Even though I loved it, it was just not aligned with my soul anymore. And I hit kind of a burnout. So.

Sophie (01:33)
just started to catch up with more world. And then actually also, not to mention how I Facebooked it, I loved it. It was just about love.

Melek (01:46)
Yeah, with Harmony Lab. It's funny because the day after I quit Facebook, I bought a one way ticket to Egypt. And when I was in Egypt, I found this concept called authentic relating, which is the practice that I use in my business. In a small desert town, there's a workshop and it completely changed my life. And I was like, I would love to bring this to other people. I want other people to feel what I'm feeling right now.

Sophie (02:05)
It's like I would love to bring this to other people. want other people to feel that feeling right

now.

Melek (02:11)
And so

I started hosting workshops and wherever I went and I decided to bring this to as many people as possible. And I knew that I was really passionate about the workplace environment from researching it for years in academia and also working at Facebook and the people department. So yeah, I was like, this is the natural next step. So I've been hosting workshops for corporate teams and also still communities around the world. Yeah. And I some other projects as well that I'm doing with HarmonyLab, but

Sophie (02:21)
to do the same as you would with a person.

and so the projects is all that I in the department when I

work. And this is the kind of thing that just allows people to show up at the open itself.

Melek (02:38)
This is my main mission of just allowing people to show up as their authentic selves and their best

selves at work and also in life.

Sophie (02:45)
Yeah, mean, I think authenticity is such a big word, right? Like it's such a big word, such a big topic. What does it actually mean to be authentic? I think it means so many different things to so many people, but what does authenticity mean to you?

Melek (02:59)
I agree that it means something completely different to everyone. And I think that's kind of the whole point of authenticity. And for me, it's, I thought about it a lot. And I think for me, it means to live a life that is aligned with whatever is alive for me in that present moment. And the thing with that is it's always changing. So we don't have just one version of our authentic self and that's it. And that's who we have to be.

Literally as every emotion comes up, as every thought comes up, our authentic self changes and it's being able to embrace that and to accept that and to allow whatever is coming up and live our life in a way that is aligned with who we are in that moment, which is not easy. It's a really, really hard thing to do, as simple as it sounds. It took me years to how to do that. And still in every moment, I'm not completely 100 % living aligned to my true self, but I'm working on that because I know how good it feels.

Sophie (03:39)
Thank you.

Melek (03:52)
And then with travel, that's the thing is that everything is changing around you constantly. And for me, my authenticity has become like a home. This is the home that I have within myself. And it's something I can take with me wherever I go is that I can be there with my emotions and be there with my sensations and thoughts and show up for myself. And

Sophie (04:10)
and show up for myself. then I think

Melek (04:13)
I think that's why it's also become so important to me is because everything around me is changing. I don't have a constant, I don't have stability, but I have my authentic self and I can always come home to that.

Sophie (04:13)
that's what's also important to me, is because everything around me is changing. I don't have a constant interest ability, but I have where I am with myself, and I always can call to that. I really relate to that. Obviously I've been traveling for four years now, and there's this thing of like, well, where's home? Like I always got asked the question, like, where's home? And I'm like, well...

geographically home would technically be the UK like that was where I was born that's where my family are that's where still I have a lot of friends technically home is the UK but actually if I'm showing up authentically as me I can be at home wherever the bloody hell I want like home is such a broad word for me and I find it really hard to answer that question like

where is home for you because actually I feel at home here right now. I felt at home when I lived in Bali. I felt at home in other places in the world that I've traveled also. it's an interesting, I'm glad you brought up that word, like authentic, you being able to be at home wherever you feel like your most authentic self. And I completely agree with that. Like I think as long as you are able to show up in the way that feels like the truest version of yourself, that's home. That's when you're most at home. You're at home within yourself. So.

I think that that's a really important piece of the puzzle where people start not feeling at home is when they're not showing up authentically. And you mentioned that you did this workshop in the middle of, was it Egypt? She said in Egypt, yeah. How differently do you think you were showing up in your authenticity prior to that workshop versus after the workshop? Like what did that change for you?

Melek (05:47)
Yeah, so before that workshop, I had been traveling already for about two years and I had.

this journey of becoming more myself and shedding all these layers of what society told me to be. But what changed for me in that workshop is that was the first time that I let this authentic self be truly seen and witnessed by another. And I don't know how to describe that, but it was just this feeling of I'm totally understood and I belong here. And I think before that moment, I had never felt that feeling so deeply.

of just knowing that, yeah, somebody sees me and I can be myself and I'm totally accepted and I'm totally wanted and I belong to this earth and to the people here and I belong to this person that I'm sitting in front of even though we just met, but we are both in this human race together, which sounds a bit weird and like hippie-dippie, but it was just a really magical turning point for me and just that

visceral feeling of just being known and seen and heard so deeply. just, wanted everyone to feel that. was like, this is what, this is the essence of what it's like to be a human in the world and be okay with everything that we are. Yeah. And then I just wanted to create more experiences like that. And I think one of the best ways that we can experience ourselves is through connection because other people are a mirror and we can just be ourselves and be a hermit in a cave for the rest of our lives. But

we're not really witnessed and seen as being ourselves. And that's where the vulnerability comes out. And you can show up as yourself to a witness, to somebody who seeing that. And that gives it so much more value and weight, I think.

Sophie (07:29)
Yeah, I completely agree with you. And I think we've been so societally, is that the right word, societally conditioned, I think that's right, socially conditioned, that was more like it. So socially conditioned to live a certain way, look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain type of person, that we often lose.

Melek (07:39)
Yeah.

Sophie (07:51)
our authenticity. We often are actually encouraged to not show up as our authentic selves. It's like, if for example, we have big emotions as a child, we're like, it's like, no, no, no, put those emotions away. Like stop, stop being so overreactional. Or if we are naughty in school, it's like, no, you're going to be punished for being naughty. Even though that's that person actually, that child is trying to show up and show their

true authentic selves and they're being put back into a box. It's like a jack in the box. It's like, we're trying to spring out, but they're like, no, let's close the box again because you're too much or you've got too much personality or too much energy. And I think a lot of people are so much forced to put themselves down back into that box as a child that when it comes to adulthood, they start to realize that they're not showing up authentically. like, I think

The more aware you are of your emotions, the more aware you are of yourself. The more self-awareness you have, the more aware you are that you're not showing up authentically. But quite often that won't come about until, like you say, you are presented with somebody that is a mirror for something that's being triggered, triggering in you, or someone that's got something that you want and you're like, well, how do I get that? And then that's when you start stripping back the layers of the onion and you're like, okay.

I need to show up more authentically to be able to achieve X, Y, Z, whatever it is that you want. And I think a lot of people don't understand that that's actually what's happening. Like if you are being triggered by another person or if you are jealous of another person, that it's actually that you're not being authentic and you're not being able to show up in the way that you'd show up to get the things that you want. So I think it's great that you're hosting these workshops and holding these spaces that

people have the opportunity to get to know what is actually authentic to them because I think people don't even realize because we've been so conditioned to not show up authentically basically. How much of the work that you do involves kind of like peeling back that layer of that person versus showing up and building those like authentic connections.

Melek (10:06)
Yeah, those are really, really good points. And it's a mix of both, I would say. It's definitely hard to do in like one workshop. It's usually people that come back for multiple workshops that kind of really get to the root of the onion or the inside of the onion because we're we're peeling back layers that we didn't even know was a layer. It was a mask for so long. Like, for example, me as well, like I was doing so many things that

I thought I was meant to do to fit in, be liked by other people, to please others. But there were not things that I wanted or saw value in for myself. But that takes years to actually recognize that sometimes and to remove that because you're saying goodbye to some part of yourself that you've been carrying around for years. And it's really not easy. think people think it takes just a few hours and then

of being in a workshop and then you're suddenly yourself and you can be authentic all the time, but it's actually a journey and there's integration and it's a process. But I think it starts with just allowing. It's something that I teach a lot in my workshops is to allow the parts of yourself that were previously not allowed to be there. So like when you said, when you're a child and you're crying and someone tells you stop crying or especially with boys, they tell them, up, like boys don't cry.

And you're taught that that part of you isn't welcome, that your emotions, that your maybe negative emotions are not welcome, you're not allowed to be sad. And so you don't accept this part of yourself, but it's a part of you and not accepting it leads to quite bad outcomes. So if you can accept your sadness, you can accept your grief, you can become more whole and you can be more aligned and you...

you know, it leads to all kinds of beautiful things in life. Like you get sick less, you mean you're happier, you can understand other people's sadness more, and you can hold space for their wide range of emotions and not just the positive emotions that we welcome. And I think that's the biggest effect is that it has a ripple effect on other people. The more you can integrate yourself and accept your authentic self and show up that way, the more you can do it for other people. And also people see that in you and realize

it's okay to be a little weird or whatever. It's okay to not be normal because normal is a construct that we made up as a society that doesn't really mean anything and it allows people to express themselves authentically as well.

Sophie (12:22)
No, that makes perfect sense. And like you say, is a lot. We'll figure this out through the relationships that we hold. like,

in a relationship or you have a friendship and certain feelings or emotions have been coming up for you, how do you identify if you are showing up authentically in that relationship or how can you identify if maybe you are still having that mask up that you've been conditioned to have?

Melek (12:49)
Yeah, that's a good question. And I think for me, what it's looked like is being able to have difficult conversations, what I call like crucial conversations with my friends. And that means that probably one or both of you are going to get triggered. And I always say that triggers are our biggest lessons. They're not a bad thing. It's okay to be triggered. And if you can welcome the triggers and ask what is it teaching you, it can help you so much more. But a true

meaningful relationship or friendship, it's not going to be happy and fun all the time. You are going to have challenges which are an opportunity to grow together and deepen the bonds. You are going to have conflict. And again, if you see it as a way of this is a chance for me to go in deep and connect more and to see maybe the shadow sides or the darker sides of myself and how I show up, you can work to heal those. And if you have friends in your life that can see that perspective, it's, I think, one of the most amazing gifts because

they, you're helping each other heal and in the same time you are bringing yourselves closer together in your friendship or relationship. So I have a few friends that I call my soul friends or soul family that completely understand this and have been through the workshops with me and just are doing their own work as well. And when we need to have a difficult conversation, we make space for that. And which I think is very important to like set the stage in the context of like

I want to talk to you about this thing that's been difficult. Do you have the space and do you have the emotional bandwidth that's needed for that? I think, yeah, it's very important to actually set the stage and not just bring it up randomly on like a random, you know, coffee hangout. And then just be willing to sit with the emotions of that person, be willing to use their see their perspective. And it's a lot of actually the the workshops that I host, I talk a lot about conflict and challenges and we do role play of maybe your hardest.

conflicts or your hardest challenges or things that you feel like you want to say to somebody but you haven't because you're scared of the repercussions. And we practice going through that and what that could look like in a loving and connected way that allows you to show up authentically, that allows the other person to show up authentically and to truly respect and see each other's perspective. And I think it's a really beautiful tool to just get closer with each other as well.

Sophie (15:01)
Yeah, I completely agree. And I feel like if you can have that level of conversation with somebody, you know that that is a really authentic relationship. But I think getting to that point, like filtering out the people that you can't have those conversations with can sometimes be really difficult. And obviously in this world that we're in Nomad life, you meet so many people, right? Like you have to really get quite clear on the kind of people that you actually want to invest your time and energy into. Because I've definitely been guilty of it in the past where I've spread my energy

way too thin, I've hung out with people I probably shouldn't have hung out with, made connections that actually don't really align with that version of authenticity that I would like to show, in which case the relationship didn't feel particularly deep or meaningful. So like how can you build deep, meaningful relationships, both personally and professionally, to make sure that you are staying authentic to yourself, but also you are building authentic relationships?

Melek (15:58)
That's an amazing question. And I definitely know what mean with this nomadic lifestyle. We meet so many people and so many different kinds of friends and we're also changing, right? We're evolving and we seek different kinds of relationships and friendships. And

For me, I've learned a couple of things and one of them is that sometimes you just have to let some friendships go and that's okay. And you don't have to hold on to every friendship forever because sometimes they're just no longer serving us. And that's something that I used to do early on in this nomad life of just, okay, this friendship is draining me. It's not giving me life anymore. It's not making me feel alive. So we're just not aligned. But now what I do more is that

I try to keep people in my life, but to set boundaries and to give them the energy that I have that is aligned with, you know, maybe they're my friend for hiking or they're my friend for, you know, doing certain things or we're a co-working, we're co-working buddies or something like that. But it doesn't mean that everyone has to be your best friend or a deep relationship. And I think that's okay because everyone has their strengths. Everyone has...

You know, you have different hobbies that align. You're not going to be 100 % match with everyone. And then maybe your closest friends, you let into your life fully. I don't think you have to let everyone into your life fully.

And yeah, so I think just boundaries are really important and just realizing who kind of fills up your cup and who kind of maybe drains it a little bit and allowing yourself to just sit with how you feel, for example, after an interaction. And do you feel depleted or do you feel alive and excited? And I do that a lot with business connections, actually, after like a

potential client meeting, I just sit with myself and even if it went really well, I think like, how would I actually feel working with this person? Does it give me energy? Am I excited to work with this company or this person? Or does this drain me or just like the thought of it make me not want to do the work? And so like, especially when running a business and especially starting out, I think a lot of people want to just accept any work that they can get, which sometimes you need to do.

But for me, I'm very lucky that I've gotten to a place where I had savings before starting my business. So I'm not in this kind of searching, chasing energy. And then I can choose what feels aligned for me because I don't think I could do it another way of just working with people that really drain my energy. And it wouldn't be enjoyable. And it wouldn't be serving my purpose of what I really want to do. So yeah, that's what I think helps a lot.

Sophie (18:22)
Yeah, you've made a couple of really good points there, like one around the friendship piece. I always have thought that, like around you have friends for different reasons just because you have, you might have loads of different friends. They don't need to give them the same level of energy or put them on the same like level.

I think, like you say, you can have friends that you can travel with, friends that you can't travel with, friends you go for dinner with, friends you co-work with. You have relationships for different reasons in your life. And I think if you can get your head around that, that not every relationship needs to have this like really, really deep meaning, you're going to show up way more authentically in those relationships in the situations that you are putting yourself in. Because no one person can serve and fulfill all of your needs anyway.

Same goes for romantic relationships. You need other people to fill your cup in different ways. So I think that that's really important. You can still have deep connections with people, but you might have certain friends that you have those deep connections with and certain friends that you maybe don't. And you have slightly different dynamics with them, which I think is super important.

And yeah, we meet so many people, right? Like in this lifestyle is so transient, you're constantly meeting people. You can't physically have deep relationships with every single person, but certain people come into your life for certain reasons. And even though you might not have like that deep soul connection with somebody, they might be really great and motivating you in your business. So you might want to go and do like a co-working session with them. And I think that that's okay. And then the second point that you made around your clients.

So important, so important if you are a service business provider, particularly you're working one-on-one with clients, you do not want to lose energy to somebody that isn't aligned with you on the same level as you because it will suck and deplete you. And I've done that so many times where I've worked with the wrong quality of person where we just weren't aligned because I maybe needed the money or because I thought at the beginning it might be okay. And then I saw it through and it wasn't.

It just drains you, it's not even worth it. So I think it's really important to recognise what you said. Like when you come away from an interaction, whether that is with a friend, whether it is with a partner, whether it's with a business colleague, how do you feel after that interaction? Because ultimately why, especially if you're running your own business, why are you putting yourself in those situations where they're just sucking your energy? Like you could be putting that energy into something that is actually really beneficial for your business. So I really love that you've said that and...

I think it's a really important point that so many more people need to learn for sure. And with those business connections in particular then, like how do you think you can bring more authenticity and connection into those relationships? Because I feel like sometimes obviously for me, this isn't necessarily the case because I try to treat my clients as...

We're obviously not best friends, but like as my friends, how I would talk to a friend because that's why they've come to me because they want someone relatable. But I know in some cases people want to show up really professionally and that might not be them showing up as their authentic self. how, how would you navigate that for business owners that want to bring more authenticity into their business connections?

Melek (21:32)
Yeah, that's a great point. I think a lot of people have this misconception that professionalism and authenticity can exist, coexist at the same time, and they absolutely can. This concept of professionalism, we have put in place, right? Like society has put that in place. And that used to mean you have to wear

a suit and you have to show up in the office and you have a briefcase. And even that has evolved to something more casual. Like we're working from home, we're working sometimes at the pool and we're not showing up in suits every day. And the way that we talk to each other is not just work. Like we need to have rapport and you need to have, you know, the other conversations with your colleagues and with your direct reports if you're a leader. So that's definitely that definitely helps to just kind of change the

mindset around that. But also, I actually co run this organization called founders and friends. So my thing is that I wanted, I work with a lot of founders of startups and small companies. And my thing is that if I want a client, I want them to be kind of my friend first, and then we talk about business. So the concept behind founders and friends is other organization that we run is we meet up as

kind of networking events, but they're not traditional networking events where we just talk about business. We do fun activities and we get to know each other as friends. And I've developed some actually beautiful friendships from this and also business clients and everything like this and everything in between. But what you see is that people open up more, they let their guard down. And that's when you can actually collaborate better or you can get a referral or get resources from someone else when you feel comfortable and you trust this person.

And it is something genuine, like you connect based on maybe mutual interests or genuine hobbies or life stories, but you get to know each other at that personal level. And I think that allows you to do business better as well. And that's actually how I run a lot of my business is I want to see if I can get along with other people at this personal level as well. I'll never just talk about business and...

I want to get to know this person and what they're looking for in life and what they're trying to do with their business and why they started this business and what they're passionate about. That's really important to me and how I can actually help them with those goals as well. And I think that's where I feel the most impactful because I'm actually making a difference in the lives of people who are running businesses as well and who actually want a meaningful impact.

Sophie (23:54)
Yeah, no, it's super important to show up in that way. And I also agree, I follow that approach as well. Like I will try and show up in the most friendly possible way. And then we dive into business. It depends who you're working with. Obviously, some people don't need that. But then in that case, for me, they're probably not my aligned clients. So I really like to have that friendly relationship. And usually, even when I stop working with clients, I continue those friendships for a lot longer.

period of time. that's, I think that's really nice way to approach it for sure. And then kind of going back to your lifestyle and the way that you're living, obviously slightly no magic, you currently got a base where you are at the moment, but how do you navigate the emotional challenges of that? And this kind of ties into the work that you do around authenticity and...

like loneliness and burnout and stuff like how do you navigate that whilst you're travelling? Because I know for me personally that has actually been quite a big problem like I've struggled a lot with burnout of this lifestyle and overwhelm and you're constantly on when you're travelling you're constantly on because you're constantly having to think about the next thing.

Who am meeting? How am I finding my friends? How am I finding my workspace? What am I going to eat today? There's a lot of basic survival skills, I think, that come into play when you are nomadic. So how have you dealt with that from an emotional perspective?

Melek (25:18)
Yeah, it's a good question. And it's very easy to get burnt out in this lifestyle. I think people think we're always on vacation, but it's quite the opposite. Like we're always quite busy and having to think a lot and having to spend a lot of energy literally building a new life almost like every few months in a new country. It's like you're immigrating to a new country every three months. Just imagine the amount of like finding an apartment, finding new friends, finding places to eat and work and go to the gym. So

what's really helped me because I did have a couple of burnouts when I first started traveling and I learned that you can't go too fast with this lifestyle if you want it to be sustainable. I stay in South Africa about six months a year, which has really helped. And I love this country so much. And then I go back to a lot of the same places that I've already built a community. So, for example, I go back to Egypt a lot, South Africa. is my sixth time here and places like Turkey and Bulgaria, actually, which

are kind of my home. I've built communities in different cities and where I'm from that are more ex-back communities, which is really nice. And I keep going back to those and it helps to just know I'm going to land and have friends and I'm going to know the area. And then I right now I'm trying to do maybe maybe one new place every year. So that's like my little vacation. And last year I was like Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan and that was just hiking with a friend and that was really cool. But really I'm just going back.

to the same places. And for me, the biggest and most important thing is connection and having social support. So I have a lot of amazing friends here in South Africa. And in the summer, a lot of us do leave and travel Europe. So I'll see them in Europe. And I have my other communities. But that really helps me with managing burnout or the emotions that come with traveling, especially having other nomad friends who know what you're going through. It's just so.

validating to have that experience shared. And I also with work, I set a limit for myself that I only work four hours a week a day, max. But I put in a lot of like, I'm completely dedicated during that time. I'm not counting like even coffee breaks or bathroom breaks. It's just like, focus deep work for four hours a day. And then if I do start to feel a burnout coming on, which I can kind of feel that coming up all

The nice thing about this lifestyle and having your own business is you can just take some time off whenever. So I'll just schedule like three or four days where I'm like, okay, I'm to be in nature. I'm going to focus on myself and just getting back to being grounded and yeah, getting calm again and then keep working after that. And that's really helped me a lot just so I don't push myself too hard and then get to the point of no return.

Sophie (27:46)
yeah, that's the key, isn't it? Like prevention is the cure when it comes to burnout. Like that is exactly what you need to do. Like be really mindful of how you're feeling and take the time if you can to reground yourself and stay on a neutral playing field before you goal in again. So I love that. I love that you work four hours a day as well. Like that's my goal ultimately is to work four hours a day. I don't work much more than that to be honest at the moment, probably like five or six, but.

I ultimately would like to do four hours deep focus and then be done for the day like that. think that's a lot of people's.

dreams and goals. Just to kind of summarize then, what would you say is your biggest bit of advice for somebody that wants to try and step more into their authentic version of themselves, particularly in business, because I know lot of business owners listen to this, but also incorporate those methods into their life as well. What would you say is your number one bit of advice for somebody that wants to be more authentic, basically?

Melek (28:44)
Yeah, that's a good question. think...

My advice would honestly be to just do it. Just be who you want to be and see how it feels and see what comes up and just accept whatever comes up and learn how to sit with it and however it needs to be expressed. mean, there's so much more that goes on with that, but I have kind of a personal story about my experience of being like authentic at work. And when I was working at Facebook, I was managing a people operations team and

I had never managed a people's operations team before. So I acted and talked as my previous managers did because I used to be just a member on the team and I used the same language, the same kind of behaviors and led my one-on-ones the same way that my manager had and realized that I didn't enjoy that at all. And then I remember one day I woke up and I decided to just be myself, which was...

I was a bit more casual and more like goofy and I cared more about the personal level. So in the one-on-ones, I didn't want to just talk about numbers. I wanted to know what you did that weekend, what's going on in your life. But I'd never seen that from my manager. So I didn't know if that was okay, but I just started doing it. And then I became so much closer with everyone on my team and ended up getting promoted and it just benefited me so much. And I really started to enjoy my job and I enjoy just showing up.

as I was and of course it's not for everybody and it will push some people away. It will cause you to let go of some things in life but that's okay because they weren't aligned for you and that's literally making space for the things that are aligned for you to come into your life. You just have to be okay with having that space for a while which can feel like emptiness and for me it did feel like emptiness a bit like the space between you know leaving my job at Facebook which was a dream job at the time.

to starting Harmony Lab and knowing what I wanted to do, it was a couple of years in between that. And I just had to sit with that and I knew something would come in. But that was me sticking to my authentic self. It's not always easy and we're not built to be authentic based on society and how we grew up. So it's the more difficult thing, but it's very, very rewarding. And I can promise you that there's going to be a beautiful outcome if you're patient enough for it and just allow.

and accept whatever emotions come up. If they're positive or negative, they're scary, just it's a practice of learning to allow your true self to come out and to welcome all of yourself.

Sophie (31:09)
Yeah, I agree. I've been doing a lot of work on this myself and I think my key theme of the year is to try and be as authentic as possible because I think the best things happen when you are authentically yourself. You build the best relationships, you show up in the best possible way that you can for yourself, in which case it's more enjoyable for yourself. So I think it is super, super important to go back to does this feel good for me? Am I being the best version that I can possibly be or am I being a version that somebody

else wants me to be and I love the example you've just given of you and your corporate job because I could not relate more to that. That was me in my corporate job as well. It was like, my manager's doing this. Maybe I should do that as well because also in a corporate world, there's also, I don't know what it was like at Facebook, but I worked in fashion, right? So it was like, very much nobody wants to hear their opinion, an opinion unless it is of the way that the company is structured. So

It was like every time I did speak up and try and be my authentic self, I was always batted back down. It was always like, no, no, no, your opinion is not valid here. Let's not talk about that. Let's keep going back to how we operate as a company. This is our company values and I just hated it. Like I've always been a very outspoken person. I've always tried, I think, to show up as my authentic self, but I've been batted down so many different times that eventually I did lose that. And I'm only really now just starting to come back round to it. And I would say in the past, like,

18 months to two years, I've really felt like I show up way, way more authentically. But obviously, as you said, this is still a work in progress. You're constantly having to adapt. are humans, but always changing. So it's a constant learning process. But my theme of this year is authenticity. So I love having this conversation. And then the other theme of the year is like just finding as much freedom as possible, right? Like that is a massive thing for me and my authenticity. So I would love to know from you, like what does freedom mean to you?

Melek (33:00)
And that has also changed for me throughout the years. It used to be financial freedom back when I lived in the States and was climbing the corporate ladder and buying all the material things. Yeah. And then I kind of thought about that and I was like, what would financial freedom actually give me? And the truth is, like, it would give me time and it would give me options. And yeah, I realized that that's way more important to just have

time that is my own, that I can choose what to do with that time and who to spend it with and where to go. And I really think I have that now, which is amazing. Like I feel like I've been more free in the past couple of years than I ever have in my life. And I'm very fortunate to be living this life and have this experience. Although I do think it's possible for a lot of people, especially those in the West who can.

yeah, travel to other countries and start their own business. If you have the drive and the willpower and the alignment with who you want to be in life, I think it's really possible. yeah, think, yeah, just being able to wake up without an alarm, that's a huge thing for me just to wake up and then decide what's my morning routine going to be today? Like what kind of yoga am I going to do? And what am I going to work on today? And who am I going to meet with?

When do I want to have this meeting? Do I want to even work on Friday? No. Like I think, yeah, this is what freedom is for me right now. And yeah, I'm living it, which is a really, really nice feeling. And yeah, obviously I have a lot more space to be myself and do things that make me happy. So yeah, I'm really grateful for that.

Sophie (34:28)
For sure, think having freedom, whatever that looks like for you, is the best possible way for you to be able to show up in the most authentic way because when you are, I don't want to use the word stuck because not everyone feels stuck in a corporate job, for example. Some people love that and that might be really authentic to them, which is amazing. But when you don't feel like it resonates with you, and that was definitely for me and it sounds like maybe similar for you, where you were kind of like put in the box.

you didn't have the freedom because you weren't able to spend the time on the things that you love doing. It's so much harder to show up authentically. So I feel like having freedom is actually also part of that is just being able to show up as your true self. So I think that's really lovely. I loved what you've said there. Like you are living it and so am I.

I rate that every single day, I value it every single day. And obviously there's certain privileges that I've had to be able to get there, but I agree with you. think everybody, nearly everybody can achieve this lifestyle. Not necessarily digital nomad life, but like the lifestyle of having freedom. So they're able to show up authentically. If you have that willpower, if you have that determination, if you have that end goal in sight, you can pretty much do anything. Your mind is very powerful and it will override pretty much every circumstance if you let it. So.

love that, really happy that you are able to live so authentically in the life that you are. So for anyone that wants to connect a bit further with you, tell us a little bit how they can find you.

Melek (35:47)
Sure, so I have a website, it's called [HarmonyLabWorkshops.com](http://harmonylabworkshops.com/). We can also connect on Instagram. It's typical Melik, which is more for my personal life, but happy to connect. And LinkedIn is probably the best way for like a business side. And that's just my name, which is Melik Murad, which I'm sure will be written somewhere. Yeah, I'd be happy to connect and chat more about authenticity and connection, traveling, all of those things.

Sophie (36:13)
Amazing. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. I really appreciate your time and the conversation around authenticity.

Melek (36:19)
Thank you so much. also had a great time. It was amazing to talk about these things.